Forgiveness

One thing we've been working on lately is Caleb eating his breakfast by himself. I always blend a really good concoction of fruit, avacado, almonds, lettuce, etc. It's what we all eat every morning. He's been eating it since he started eating and loves it. What he does not love is eating it by himself. He'd much rather have someone spoon feed it to him. He's been doing really well, eating almost to the bottom with very little fuss and then having me scrape the bottom to get the rest of it. Well, this morning he woke up hungry and ate a little bit before breakfast. When we sat down at the table to eat, he WOULD NOT eat. I tried to stay in control of my patience. We sang some songs and did all the things that we normally do, but he was not touching his spoon. I tried all kinds of tricks and bribes that normally work with absolutely no luck. Finally, I left the table with Karis and told Caleb that he could come and play with us when he finished his breakfast. This always works...not this morning. Every time I peeked in the kitchen, he was just sitting at the table NOT eating. I was really losing my patience, but yet still managing to keep it toned down for him (no sense in "fighting" about eating). Finally I went and sat down beside him. I'm just going to write out our conversation...remember this is all in a normal tone...I really was keeping my voice under control.

Mommy "I am very disappointed that you didn't eat your breakfast by yourself."
Caleb "Uh-huh."
Mommy, beginning to spoon it into his mouth "You are a big boy now, and you are ready to feed yourself. You do it every morning. This really upsets me a lot."
Caleb "I'm sorry Mommy."
Mommy with a sigh "Caleb, I'm just really too upset to forgive you right now."
Caleb "OK"
A few minutes later
Caleb "I'm sorry Mommy."
Mommy "Caleb, I'm just still really upset and I really can't tell you that I forgive you yet because I don't. You know how to eat your breakfast."
Another minute later
Caleb "Mommy, I'm sorry."
Mommy, scraping out the last bite for him with a big sigh "Caleb, I forgive you. I just want you to eat your breakfast by yourself. OK?"
Caleb "OK Mommy, now can I chew my gum?"
Mommy "Yes, please go chew your gum."

It is a funny story, but while I was not forgiving him, I thought about God and His willingness to forgive us every time. Ah, we disobey, gossip, don't read our Bibles or pray, cause strife, envy others, let our bodies get out of shape (which are God's temple), judge others, and just generally sin. Yet, when the Holy Spirit convicts us and we repent, God doesn't say, "I'm just too upset with you to forgive you right now." He simply forgives. My reason for not forgiving Caleb this morning was that I didn't think he really meant it. He's been into saying "I'm sorry" for a few weeks now. I wanted him to show me that he was sorry (and I needed some time to cool down). Sometimes I "repent" and don't really mean it. Does that mean that God doesn't forgive me? No! His grace is endless and His love surpasses all understanding. It certainly surpassed mine this morning. It's a good thing that I'm just the Mommy and not God! It's also a good thing that I have a good Father to learn from...a patient, kind, understanding, and FORGIVING Father.